Jokes of the Day
I have been collecting jokes since I was 8. These are a few of the latest.
Hello
"Hello?"
"I am John with the C.I.A."
"I know."
"And how do you know that?"
"You called a phone that has no SIM card, no battery, and it's broken."
Hunting Mess
Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots... Outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess.
"I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.
"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."
Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. He wouldn't be my type."
Insured Voice
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."
There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.
Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"
Huge Sofa
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.
Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.